Secrets of a Midsummers Night
by xev
Summary: River's story set before and after Encounters. Spoilers for Serenity. New Chapter.
1. Chapter 1

Please only constructive reviews-please don't just say give up it sucks.

This is set to start before and between Encounters- but it's River's story.

She sat under a blanket of stars, confused by her mother's refusal to let her sleep outside. The beauty was beyond imagining. The blackness surrounded tiny spots of endless light. She thought of tomorrow-of the new academy. For the first time she didn't know what to expect. School before had been predictable, easy. She rushed ahead of all the others. She knew they resented her. She knew how they felt, they left no doubt by their words and actions. She told others she didn't care, but she never lied to herself. It did hurt.

Constantly on her mind was her future. She knew what her parents had planned for her. Her mother's life. Marry a wealthy man who can stand you. Judging by the reaction on others she had always gotten, that would be easier said than done. She as also worried about Simon. She would hate for him to end up with some vapid, empty headed socialite, but that was what was inevitable. That was their future, and nothing could change that. She only hoped she could meet someone at this new school that she could learn to live with. She only hoped Simon could do the same at his job.

"River, come in and wash up for bed."

Mother always made sure she did everything possible to make sure River's skin looked it's best. River saw it as pointless-only surface, not important. But it was important to Mother, so she would sit there while she watched to make sure River applied all the right cremes and gels.

River hoped this wasn't all that was left of life.

She sat up abruptly in bed. She was back to reality, back to life as it was now. Serenity, the middle of the night. Dreams were controllable now that Miranda was done. She hadn't woke Simon in the room next to hers. She laughed silently about how much her wish had come true. Next time she should be more specific.

Serenity wasn't like it was at first, now pain was the overall emotion, not just an undercurrent. She got up to walk the ship. It was calming to listen to Serenity tell it's tales. Not just the people, but the ship itself. Every surface spoke of memories, of life and love. Serenity had seen love and pain, and she was in pain now. Death was not easy for Serenity to handle, especially not the death of it's pilot. Both she and River missed Wash. He was simple, sweet and fun. He let her play with his dinosaurs. Now playing with them seemed wrong somehow, like trespassing.

The shepherd was felt as well. Even with his evil hair and symbol of contradictions, he was still here. He always would be, but it would fade, they always do. She felt his presence mainly in his room, the galley, and the cargo bay, where he and Jayne had lifted weights. Serenity missed him too. She missed his calm, his light. It was the same thing that River missed. The morality in the den of thieves.

She walked by his room on her way around. She felt his peace. She felt him here. But he wasn't there. He never would be again. She also felt the sadness surrounding the presence- the death. She felt tears welling up in her eyes, and turned to leave. Enough pain. She was going to skip Simon's room, because she didn't want to feel concern for her. But she sensed something different. She immediately knew what. It was Kaylee. All bubbles and sweetness and bright light. Simon was not concerned for her for once. She went closer to his door. She noticed Kaylee was a shadow. She wasn't in there for once, he was dreaming of her. River giggled into her hand and moved on. She really didn't want to think of her brother that way, sometimes it forced it's way in, but she had control tonight. She went up the stairs, past the infirmary. She steered clear of the infirmary on her walks. All that was in there was pain and anger. She went to the engine room. Kaylee was everywhere here. Serenity loved her mechanic, and the mechanic loved Serenity. Nothing negative had ever penetrated the beauty and fluorescence of this room except once, when Early had come. His ugliness was gone now. It was replaced by sweetness, concern and sex. Always present in a Kaylee room. River left this room with a better feeling, but still the undercurrent of sadness.

The galley was contradictions. Anger, frustration, happiness, pain, love, confusion. She loved this room because each piece of furniture had a different tale to tell. She sat in her seat for meals. This seat was the exact center of it all, that is why she had gone for it. She could immerse herself in whatever feeling she wanted. She got up and continued her journey to the bridge. She evaded the personal spaces of the others tonight. She knew what each one contained, what they always contained. The Captain's was responsibility, anger and his attempt to keep hope from his life. Jayne's were simple. Sex and violence. Nothing but. Sometimes it was refreshing in it's simplicity-but not tonight. Zoe's had been the same since Wash died-irrepressible sadness. Kaylee was the same as the engine room. Sweetness and sex. Not tonight.

The bridge was now drenched in sadness. It had been Wash's happiness.

No ghosts tonight she said as she turned and went back to the galley. It was the place for her tonight. She went behind the island, something was different. She sensed something was new, the island had a new feeling. She cautiously went up to it. She ran her hands over the surface. It was new. She smiled. She didn't know why, when or how, but Serenity had been infused with hope. The island was the main source of it. River didn't know why, but neither did Serenity. River was still smiling as she went back to her room. Everything was tempered with convictions that everything would turn out well. River was pleasantly confused at Serenity's change in attitude. Something new was coming, and it brought wishes with it.

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River once again sat under the stars, but without censorship this time. Simon may not approve, but he was busy with Kaylee. She thought back on her thoughts that day. The day before the angel had infused their lives. Broken wings- needed healing. She felt something wrong, something amiss. She sighed and frowned, she would have to do what she had never done before, talk to someone's dreams. She didn't like it, but it was necessary. She lay back and let herself drift. She searched the town until she found the one she needed. He wasn't asleep. She swore in her head. She would have to do something she liked even less, talk to someone's unconscious mind. People didn't accept it well unless you did it perfectly. Lightly, as a part of themselves. You couldn't add anything, just make an unheard voice heard. In this particular person's case, this part of his mind had been dormant for a while. Like Serenity, she had to encourage hope.

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Hope is a dangerous thing, River thought. She knew she had been caught when the other voice stopped abruptly in the morning. Now it was time to see to the other. When she got there she realized her mistake. Pain's voice was even louder, and couldn't be shouted over. Something came over her. It was unexpected. It wasn't fear, uncomfortableness, confusion or anything else she expected. It was anger. Pure and unadulterated anger. Now she saw why she saw the arch angel not just an angel. She wasn't perfection. Like an archangel she was capable of sin and violence, but she also made mistakes, unlike a real angel. She had removed sympathy and real love so far, it would take a long time to resurrect them. Anger had beaten them back.

River left her confused. What she had seen was against what she had seen earlier. It made no sense. She couldn't go back to the other and tell him never mind. River was stuck. She was now deep in it. She would have to fix what she had done, but still fix the one's consciousness. She was aware of what had caused it, but not how bad it was. Jia was not the person River thought she was.

Now River started thinking of all the other things she had put in motion. Wash decision to have the baby. The healing of everyone else so quickly had blinded her. For the first time in a while, she was unsure of the future.

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River didn't want to go back. She had never been so wrong about someone before. What if she had been wrong about other things? Now she was unsure of her actions. Should she have been so dismissive of Inara as a part of their future? Was she moving things way too fast? This is what she had been trained for. This is who she was. Could she be that off? Had Miranda taken away her abilities? There was only one way to find out and she didn't want to do it. She really didn't, but she had to.

She knelt down and lay on the grass again. It wouldn't be easy.

She knew they would be angry she was late, but that was too bad.

River found herself in a darkened hallway. It was endless. She ran and ran. Soon she was at the last door . The only thing that was beyond it was an absolute darkness. A darkness that was inching away to be replaced by more wall, and eventually a new door. River reached for the handle, and the handle split in two, and went to opposite sides of the door. She had seen this before, the future was not set. It changed rapidly, and could take two paths when an important decision was to be made. Her decision. For the first time, River had no idea what her decision was. She didn't know the answer, but she was about to see the answer. She reached for one handle and turned it. It wouldn't turn. She went to the other one. It turned very easily. She got the message. The easy road and the hard road. She opened it. The easy road was good to see first, because it usually wasn't the best road.

The door opened without protest, and she was thrown forward. A scene played out in front of her. Ten years had passed in the galley on Serenity. Zoe was there with a little boy. Wash sat across from them. They were all sitting there smiling and happy. The ever present undertow of strangeness was back between Zoe and Wash. It had disappeared since he had come back. River realized they weren't talking to each other, just to the boy. Everything fuzzed over. She was now in Serenity's engine room. Five years after now. Kaylee was there. Simon walked in.

"I guess we'll be leaving now."

Kaylee didn't even look up.

"I'm sorry Kaylee, but it's for the best. The Captain..."

"Don't you dare tell me the same thing you've been telling me for three years Simon. Just go."

Simon turned and left. Kaylee's sweetness and bubbliness was gone. River sighed.

The scene switched to the cargo bay. It was seconds later. She was older. Simon was loading their things out of the ship, and into the waiting transport. Kaylee was no where to be found. River saw herself. She heard herself whisper, "I wish I could just tell him."

She had no idea what that meant. The only one was Mal, and that was from a distance. She looked up and saw Jayne watching from secrecy. He was different. He was softer somehow. Looking at him made her heart ache for some reason. She looked away. Without a word, she saw herself follow her brother off the ship. Mal went up to the controls and closed the door and informed Wash to take off. The scene fuzzed again.

This time she found herself in a temple of some sort. Shepherd Book was kneeling at an alter. He had changed as well. He was filled with regret and sadness. The scene fuzzed quickly this time.

Next she saw Inara in a room she recognized as the training center. This time was only three years from present. A woman came in. She hugged Inara. "I am so sorry meimei."

"So am I Barbra, so am I."

"Was it marriage or your ex-husband?"

"My ex. I always thought it would work with us. I should have known better."

Inara started to cry and the woman held her. "Did he sign your papers?"

"Without hesitation. Said if I wanted out he wasn't going to stop me. I didn't even want him to fight for me this time. I just got tired of not being my own person, just being his wife wasn't enough. I thought it would be."

"Companions are used to being independent. Marriage is not a good fit. They have to give up everything. That is not easy."

"I thought it would be enough."

The words echoed as the scene once again fuzzed. This time was somewhere she didn't recognize. It was a small, humble house. The door opened and Jia entered. She slumped against the door. She looked around the house. She went to the couch and sank into it. River didn't sense another person in this house. Not even a ghost of someone that had been. Jia was alone.

She was flung out the door. The door slammed shut. She didn't know what the other side had in store, but she knew she couldn't let the other one happen. She went to the other side and used all her strength to turn the handle. Then she put her foot against the door frame and pulled as hard as she could. The door opened with screeches of protest. She was not sucked in, she had to walk in.

In a field far away, River lay on the ground, her eyes closed. A smile slowly played across her face. A few moments later, her eyes flew open. She knew what she had to do.

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	2. Chapter 2

Jayne and Simon were arguing in the cargo bay.

"I'fn that hu dun sister of yours makes us look for her again..."

"She won't, I talked to her about this."

"Well, she ain't here. She didn't get the message."

"The Captain isn't either. Are you going to yell about him too?"

"The Cap'n always has a reason. She don't cept wanderin'"

Simon mumbled something under his breath when they saw River and Mal coming towards them.

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Mal had run into River on his way back, or more correctly, she had run into him. They had been walking in silence for a few moments. When they had almost reached the ship he asked her, "What did you do last night?"

"Sat under the sky."

"That all?"

River turned to look at him but kept walking, "No."

Mal didn't know what to say when she didn't go on. Mal saw Simon and Jayne arguing and sighed. River giggled.

"What's so funny?"

"I don't understand the door."

Mal didn't understand that but he was used to it. They reached the bay and Mal told Wash to lift off. River went to her room to contemplate her next move.

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She was deep in thought when Kaylee came in to talk to her.

"What cha thinkin bout so hard?"

"Potential actions. Kaylee?"

"Yeah."

"Would it be alright if I talked to you about something you won't understand?"

"Like what?"

"Simon says it helps organize thoughts to ask another person, but it may be a little muddled for anyone else to get it. Could I still vocalize my brain waves?"

"No problem genius."

River sighed, "Last night I made a mistake and I don't know how to fix it exactly."

"Could you just apologize or somethin'?"

"It is too complicated for that. I have to fix it." She sighed again, "Life is not easy. Life has choices and we don't always make the right ones. Sometimes our future depends on a right decision, but circumstances or the past get in the way. In order to make someone happy you may have to intervene. Timing is necessary in this but my timing was off. I now see what needs to be done but an concerned about my timing being wrong again."

"You're talkin about helpin someone that don't think they need helpin?"

River nodded. That really was basically it.

"That I know about. Sometimes interfering ain't what's best, but it sounds like it's too late for that decision."

River nodded again.

"People ain't perfect, but sometimes you just gotta let things happen."

"What if it happens wrong?"

"Well, then it does."

"If I go forward there must be certainty on everything, there can be no doubt." Now she had lost Kaylee. "In life there are some things that you must be certain about before you charge forward." Now she was back, "These are such things, and I am not certain how to create certainty."

"Create it?"

"Make sure someone is, in this case, two people."

"You may just have to ask them sweetie."

River considered that, "I may have to take your advice."

Kaylee smiled and got up from the bed, "Lunch is ready. Smells good."

She held out her hand and River took it.

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When they got to the galley and all through lunch the tension was palpable. Jia was upset and only two people in the room knew why. River was again uncertain as to how to proceed. She went back to her room afterwards with a new plan of action. The start had to be with someone who had left the ship, Inara.

She went to the bridge and asked Wash where Inara had gone.

"Last I heard she was still on Persephone. Why?"

"When are we going back there?"

"Just talked to Mal and he said that is the best place to stir up business so we are going back right now. Need to talk to her?"

"Not really."

With that she left the bridge and an amused Wash. She went to find the captain. She found him in the cargo bay. She went up to him cautiously. She knew the memory of last night was still fresh in his mind. River decided to just jump in.

"You have to talk to Inara."

Mal turned to her astonished, "What?"

"You must talk to Inara. Finish that part of existence here. Only then can you move on like you need."

Mal was about to rail on her about interfering and what was her business, but she walked away before he could even speak. He was not sure what to make of her, and probably never would be.

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Mal didn't say much to anyone in the trip to Persephone. Jia was still upset and River refused to talk to him at all. If he had the opportunity to yell at her about minding her business, he never would have even considered her statements, but since he didn't have that opportunity, he was stuck wondering about her words.

At the moment of touchdown he had decided to take her advice. River was still no where to be found and he really should talk to Inara anyway. He left a protesting Zoe and Jayne to find the companion. He found where she was on the cortex. She wasn't hard to find. Mal decided to drop in unexpected like he always had on the ship. He went to her door in the ritzy section of town without a plan as to what he was going to say. He knocked on the door after a second of hesitation. She answered in one of her silk gowns that she always wore.

"Are you alone?"

"Yes."

One moment they were talking in the hallway and the next they were kissing in the apartment. They carried it to the couch and Laid down together. They continued kissing until suddenly Mal sat up.

"This will never work will it?"

Inara shook her head.

"Does that have to matter?"

Inara started to cry silently as she nodded.

Mal got up and walked to the door. He opened it and walked away without looking back or saying another word. Inara began to cry in earnest. They both knew that it really was over now. They were both surprised that it didn't hurt more.

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Across town Badger was listening to Jia rant.

"Who does he think he is? Thinks he can just use me like that and I'll just take it?"

"He doesn't appreciate you..."

Jia hadn't heard him, "I mean really, what did he think to accomplish by kissing me? I am not a substitute and don't deserve to be."

"Love I...

"I can't believe he would treat me like that. My father always said he was a man of integrity. That wasn't integrity. That was..."

"JIA!"

Badger got her attention.

"Seems to me that you should be findin' yerself another occupation."

"But I love my job."

"Sometimes the job ain't eno..."

"Maybe if I talked to him about it. That's what I'll do."

"That wasn't what I had in..."

"Thanks badger, you're a real help."

She left without another word. For the first time he could remember, he had more to say.

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River was the only one in the cargo bay when Mal got back. She had a questioning look on her face. It cleared up when she saw the look on his face.

"It's for the best."

"Yeah."

They looked at each other for a while more before Mal walked past her to look for his now angry second in command.

He found Zoe ranting to her husband in the cockpit.

"We gonna look for jobs or are you gonna yell some more?"

Zoe walked past him and Wash told Mal, "Good luck."

They gathered Jayne and headed out.

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River was the only one in the cargo bay when Jia returned.

"Where's the captain?"

"Looking for work."

Jia nodded and went to walk past River. River stopped her by putting a hand on her arm. This surprised Jia. River didn't usually touch anyone.

"It's time for the hard road."

She let go of Jia's arm and walked away. Once again, Jia was confused by River, but she was getting used to it.

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The trio returned around nightfall without a job, but in surprising good spirits. Mal put his arm around Kaylee's shoulders and headed to the galley to have a late dinner. River sat silent through the boisterous meal, but afterwards went right for her brother.

"What's wrong meimei?"

"You can't let anything get in your way or you will lose her."

"Lose who?"

"Kaylee."

"What about Kaylee?" Simon's face was now getting red.

"She could be what you need but you mustn't let anything get in your way. Other's lives complicate, but must not stop."

She left him confused but thinking about her words.

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River found Kaylee in the engine room.

"What's up River?"

"You can't let his excuses ruin things."

"Who's excuses?"

"Simon's. He loves you. More than he is willing to admit."

River left Kaylee confused but happily considering her words.

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River found Shepherd Book in his room. She knocked without entering.

"Can I help you River?"

She came in with her eyes closed. "Is the hair away?"

Book smiled, "Yes River."

She opened her eyes and flopped down on his bed.

"What can I help you with?"

"How do you heal someone who is broken?"

"You aren't broken River."

"Not me. Someone else."

"How are they broken?"

"Rage consumes them inside. No external sensors."

"Who are we talking about?"

"The archangel."

"You mean Jia?"

River nodded.

"How is she consumed by rage?"

"Father, Mother, Brother. All souls will not leave. Holds them down as barrier to new feelings. Too cautious."

"Maybe I should be the one to talk to her River. Loss can be hard to deal with."

"No dealing, holding. Swims in anger."

"How do you know this River?"

"Feel it. Hear it. Now I've seen it."

Book didn't want to dig any deeper, though he wanted to know more. "I will talk to her."

"She hides behind, shadows have no sunrise."

"I will offer her a way out of pain. Most people take that."

"A way out of pain?"

"Yes. Offering another way is met by resistance but can be helpful."

River nodded and left. She would let the holy man try and help, but she knew the shadows were deep. Jia needed to be fixed from the inside. She didn't think he could help, but would let him try first.

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Jia sought out Mal after she had cleaned up in the galley. She wanted to escape Jayne's reminiscing about his women. He could get descriptive. She found him just outside the infirmary with no one in sight. He turned and started to walk the other way when he saw her but she wouldn't let him leave.

"Sir I have to talk to you."

He reluctantly turned, "Yeah."

"About the other night. I can't..."

"I am really sorry about that."

"You should be. I will not be used as some second best."

He was taken back, "I did not use you."

"It was so obvious it wasn't me you wanted. I'm not her."

He pulled her close until his face was inches from hers. "I don't see anyone else."

They stood in silence for a while before he pulled back. "You don't need to worry, if I kiss you again it will be just me and you."

That was not what she expected. She thought she should say something as he turned and walked away, but she couldn't think of anything to say.

In her room down the hall, River smiled. She had everyone where they needed to be.

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That night was a strange one for most on Serenity. Book was thinking how to help Jia. Simon was holding Kaylee thinking about her, and their future. He had never thought about it before because he didn't want to think that far ahead anymore. Kaylee had fallen asleep in Simon's arms thinking about the same thing. River's words had stuck with both of them. Mal fell asleep not thinking of Inara for the first time in a while. Jia fell asleep wondering about Mal's strange behavior. Zoe, Wash and Jayne were the only ones not having a strange night.

River drifted asleep thinking about the past but in a new light. She didn't think of it in terms of sadness, she thought in terms of happiness it was over. She had never seen it that way, but her hallway had given her hope. She dreamed of a new hallway. The hallway was brighter. Again she ran to the end. This time the doors didn't end. They just ceased to be important and faded, eventually completely. She was left with a hallway with paintings on the wall, murals. The murals started moving. Suddenly it occurred to her that the murals were not murals, but reality. She saw Simon, happy. It was her goal, Simon's happiness. It was what she existed for. Simon had given up everything for her, now she would give it back to him better than before. She saw happiness and smelled happiness. She felt it like sunlight, like a light breeze. It smelled of flowers and joy, of favorite places and people. Of new beginnings and necessary ends. Of life. Of love. She awoke with a smile on her face. But soon felt a shock and held back a scream.

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A half an hour earlier, Book had sat Jia down to talk to her. He started out stating his purpose of helping her with her anger. She started out defensive, but downshifted into conversational tones. Book soon realized talking wasn't going to help if she stayed with bare facts like she always did.

"You are just telling me what I want to hear."

"That's impossible since I don't have any idea what you want to hear."

"Do you really think you are doing your departed family any favors by not letting them go?"

"You shouldn't mettle Preacher. I don't appreciate it."

She was trying to sound menacing, but not succeeding. "If you don't take the chances you don't get any of the benefits."

"Benefits of what?"

"Of loving someone."

"The only benefits I have ever seen are pain and suffering." She hadn't meant to say that but it just popped out. "I have things to do."

"No you don't. You just want to avoid this conversation. Fine for now, but you should think about the fact you have a brother and sister that would like to see their sister happy."

He knew he had hit the right target when she didn't reply.

It was at this moment River had to hold back her scream. Jia's shadows shifted. Pain leaked out. River removed Jia's pain from her own consciousness. Now her path was clear. River got up and headed out of her room towards the galley. She interrupted Book and Jia and asked Jia to follow her. River led her to the empty engine room. She let Jia go ahead of her and closed the door behind her.

"What's happening River?"

River locked the door and turned to Jia. She closed her eyes. Suddenly Jia fell to her knees and let out a scream that could be heard all over the ship. Book raced to the engine room but couldn't open the door. Mal and Jayne showed up but still couldn't get it open. Jia continued to scream in such a way that was of suffering and absolute pain. Everyone in the ship was at the door trying to open it. Kaylee was crying. Wash was covering his ears. Zoe was panicking. They didn't know what was going on, but just that they had to get the door open. AS suddenly as it had started, the screaming stopped. The door slid open just as suddenly. Simon ran in to Jia's side. Zoe and Mal ran to her as well. Everyone else stayed outside. She was on her knees with a stunned expression. Simon was trying to get any answer out of her. River stood in the doorway waiting. Jia looked up at her.

"Are you alright Jia?"

"I feel like everything has just been lifted off my chest. It's all gone. How did you did that?"

"You needed to work through it. That is what I did."

"Don't that usually take years?"

"It does. But I couldn't wait that long."

River looked at Simon.

Jia understood. River walked out of the engine room with a smile on her face.

Jayne finally came in the engine room, "What did she do to you?"

"She saved me."

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Everyone except Jia avoided River for the next few days. Jia was different. She was freer, happier. Jia's acceptance of what had happened made it easier for everyone else to put it in the back of their minds.

River had felt Jia's ghosts leave the ship. The blanket that had been there wasn't there anymore. Her emotions were on the surface like everyone else's. Jia now had the same presence as everyone else. There was no one else. Just her.

River was elated. She no longer felt as broken. Life should be easier from now on, at least in the direction of Simon and Kaylee.


End file.
